I've Got a Bad Feeling About This

If I had to rank my most-loathed teams in World Cup play, they would be, in order:

1. Argentina
2. France

I detest Maradona. Great player, awful human being, and his gloating over the Hand of God goal sealed the deal for me. After he packed it in and Gabriel Batistuta was the team's big star I could get behind them, but with Maradona behind the bench again I want to see them humiliated. Alas, it doesn't look likely to happen.

France I despise because they always seem to get every break imaginable, even though they don't deserve it. I mean, can anyone actually remember how the hell they managed to make it to the final of the last World Cup? Their victory in '98 was even worse, and it seemed like in every game they played they were up 12 or 13 men to 11 thanks to the refs. At least Thierry Henry seemed a bit mortified by his own hand ball this year that put France in the tournament ahead of Ireland.

Based on Uruguay's disgraceful flopfest against South Africa yesterday (I mean seriously... you're diving that often against South Africa? Talk about insecurity) I'm putting them in as 2A now, which means I'm suddenly a huge Mexico fan, given that they're in a group with both Uruguay and France. After today's awesome 2-0 Mexican victory over the Damned Frogs, France seems poised to be eliminated. Mexico and Uruguay both have 4 points, while France has just 1. If Mexico and Uruguay tie in their final group match, France is done.


If Uruguay beats Mexico, Uruguay wins the group and avoids a tough round of 16 matchup. Mexico sits with a +2 goal differential, minus whatever they lose to Uruguay by. Let's say it's a 1-0 game -- Mexico then sits with 4 points and a +1 differential. (Of course the reverse situation, Mexico beating Uruguay, is also possible, but we're looking at my worst case scenario here.)

France would then need to beat South Africa by at least four goals to advance. And while the French haven't looked like a squad that could run up the score against St. Trinian's School for Crippled Orphans, much less a World Cup national team, South Africa will be without Khune (their starting goalie) thanks to that abysmal red card he was handed against Uruguay. A 4-0 or 5-1 result, or worse, isn't out of the question.

In short, we could have a situation where France has to deliberately set out to embarrass the host nation in order to advance. France and Uruguay, diving merrily into the round of 16 against a backdrop of riots, tear gas and vuvuzelas playing a funeral dirge.

Please, Mexico, I am begging you. In the name of all that is good and right about futbol, do not let this horror come to pass.

In Case You Missed It

Per the comments, "I like how the Robert Green legoman was smiling the whole time, even after he fucked up ahaha"

I Am Bleeding Out My Eye Sockets

Why did I read this? Why did I just do that to myself? Aaagh. Damn you Sully.

Let me sum it up, to save you the agony: The Atlantic's Josh Green claims to have been an indie music critic, and a teenage fan of Rush (even describing himself as "worshipping" Neil Peart), yet somehow failed to recognize the heavy Ayn Rand influence in Peart's lyrics until he 'inadvertently' started a feud between Rush and Rand Paul via Twitter over Paul's use of Rush songs.

First, I call bullshit. No teenage Rush fan -- especially one who grows up to be a political journalist -- can possibly be ignorant of the Ayn Rand influence on Peart's lyrics. It's like saying you were a big Springsteen fan, but didn't realize his songs were about America.

I also call bullshit on Green claiming that he didn't realize Tweeting about Paul using Rush songs might result in Rush telling Paul to fuck off and stop. You got the controversy you wanted, pal. Don't be a tool and pretend it was all an accident.

Second, the anecdote Green leads off his article with -- one in which he gets dissed by the lead singer of Son Volt -- displays a horrific lack of self-awareness. Basically, Green did an interview with Jay Farrar (said lead singer), then went to the show and wanted one of the other members of the band to get Farrar's attention so Green could say hi to him while they stood around and watched the opening act. God forbid Green should have to talk to a lowly bassist or something, huh? And to this day he remains baffled as to why they all treated him like a dick. Gosh, Josh, maybe it's because you were acting like a dick? Just a thought.

Remember, the Atlantic is hiring. You too can work right alongside great minds like this.