My Worst Nightmare Is About To Become Reality

I'm weird when it comes to sports.

Growing up in a town without a professional franchise (Knoxville) I didn't have a hometown loyalty. By the time I moved north to Toronto, I had no innate instinct to root for the home team. Which is not to say I hate the home team, either; I certainly cheered with the city when Joe Carter touched 'em all, but as a fan of baseball not of the Jays.

Instead, what happened is that my loyalties became tied to specific players I admired. I wasn't an A's fan, I was a Jose Canseco fan. I wasn't a Lions fan, I was a Barry Sanders fan. Pavel Bure, John Stockton, my rooting interest was in the player, not necessarily the uniform he wore.

I still felt like I was missing out on something though. When those players changed cities or left the game entirely, there was usually a gap of a year or two before I found a replacement I could hang my hat on. And there was always a bit of envy for people who had been fans of the same team since before they ever knew who or what it was they were rooting for.

Which is why, when Peyton Manning became a pro, I was able to somewhat scratch that itch. Rooting for him and the previously sad-sack Colts in part because he played his college ball in Knoxville made me feel a little like I was finally part of that club.

On the other hand, my hatreds are forever. From Ron Hextall to Eric Lindros to Chris Pronger, the Flyers have always been a team of thugs and punks. I despised Isaiah Thomas long before he was ruining franchises from the front office, because he hid behind scum like Bill Laimbeer. But of all the teams I loathe, one has always stood head and shoulders above the other: the Broncos.

The first professional sports game I have any kind of clear memories of is Super Bowl XII, when the Cowboys whupped the Broncos. I was rooting for the Cowboys because Tony Dorsett was awesome, and the Denver's uniforms were about the ugliest thing I'd ever seen. (This coming from a kid living in a sea of Volunteer orange.) Fast forward a few years, and John Elway earned my emnity by doing his primadonna thing to avoid playing for the Colts and wound up with the Broncos. At that point the hatred was cemented, once and for all. The Tim Tebow Travelling Revival Show was just gravy by that point, although I thought it was awesome that they'd be forced to stick with him because of that playoff run. Except they didn't.

And now Peyton's signed with the Orange A-holes, and broken my heart. I can't root against Peyton, not in his comeback season, but I can't root for him either, not with Elway grinning from the owner's box like a cheshire surfer dude. Not this, Peyton. Anything but this. I'd rather seem him in a Patriots uniform, frankly.

It's unfair. It's evil. It's unseemly, is what it is.

You broke my heart today, Peyton Manning. I can only hope now that you have a setback, and never play a real game in that uniform.

Sloppy Math Is Sloppy

So according to the Washington Post, more evangelicals are voting in this year's GOP primaries.

The proof? The percentage of voters who call themselves evangelical is up to 50% from 44% in 2008.

Ummm... dunno if you've noticed, Washington Post, but overall turnout is down in the GOP primaries. Like, more than 10% down. So while evangelicals represent a bigger share of the total, that doesn't mean their raw numbers are up. In fact, they're just about the same.

But you are going to believe, the laws of mathematics or a narrative that requires 'evidence' of a close race to survive?

Team Uterati

I officially joined the Ladyparts Uprising and did my first little bit of digging around for Team Uterati tonight, as a break from grinding through the baseball prospect piece that various illnesses keep me from putting to bed.

What I learned in my digging: apparently back in my childhood home of Tennessee, anti-abortion forces didn't get the memo that the time for subtle, stealthy legislation has past, and that the time to be aggressively misogynist has arrived.

Where My Empathy Fails Me

I can, almost, put myself in George Zimmerman's shoes.

I can imagine being so fearful and tightly wound that simply seeing an unfamiliar figure, wearing the wrong clothes and walking at the wrong speed with the wrong body language, might trigger paranoia. I see enough of what passes for news among the right wing to know which buttons they are trying to press.

I can imagine being the right mix of arrogant and protective that I didn't think I could wait for the authorities, and had to take action myself before the Unfamiliar Figure did the things that the poison poured into my ear for years has led me to believe were about to happen.

I can imagine tracking the Unfamiliar Figure down, confronting him, and after a scuffle pulling my gun.

What I can't imagine doing, ever, is listening to these screams, listening to the Unfamiliar Figure beg for his life... and still pulling the trigger.

Trayvon Martin 911 Call

His father says he's not a racist. I have no reason to doubt him. Maybe George Zimmerman still pulls that trigger if Trayvon is Hispanic, or white, or whatever.

This is worse than racism though. This is a complete denial of one's own humanity. I don't comprehend how you can hear those screams, and then silence them with a bullet, without already being dead inside yourself.

I can't even say I'm angry at Zimmerman. If his life wasn't a miserable ruined hell before, it certainly is now.

My anger is reserved for the Sanford police, for not doing their fucking jobs, and for forcing Trayvon Martin's parents to listen to those screams.

How Democrats Dog Whistle

It's a little on the nose, but you have to respect Robert Gibbs' effort here.



It comes right at the end of the piece in the wake of Santorum's wins in Mississippi and Alabama, right about the 3:10 mark:

Look, Mitt Romney has said... his campaign has said that it would take an act of God for him not to be the nominee. Usually, a campaign with divinity on its side would be doing better than they are tonight.

Translation: he's not a Christian, he's a Mormon heretic.

Since the whole point of dog whistles is to inflame someone's prejudice without actually naming the prejudice, and that Romney's biggest weakness will be his difficulty in getting the GOP's evangelical base to muster any enthusiasm for him at all, it's nice to see the Obama campaign is already locking and loading their anti-Romney attack lines.

The Empty Suit

CNN is missing something interesting in its exit polls tonight.

According to the numbers they showed earlier, about half of the voters in the Alabama and Mississippi GOP primaries said that Romney was the most electable candidate. Of them, roughly two-thirds actually voted for him. Two-thirds of one-half = one-third of the whole.

Now look at the votes coming in. Romney's getting roughly one-third of the total in both states. That means that the only people voting for him are those who think he can beat Obama. Nobody is voting for him if they don't think he can win the general election.

Santorum and Gingrich are both pulling in votes for other reasons. People might not think they're the best candidate to beat Obama, but they get behind their guy anyway.

Romney? Basically nobody is voting for him for any kind of ideological reason. They are only voting for him if they think he can beat Oboogeyman.

Ask the Democrats in 2004 how well it works out when you nominate a candidate purely because you think he's your best shot at beating the other guy, and not because you actually like him or anything.

February Travesties

20! Much, much better.

#1 Crush - Garbage
25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago
Behind Closed Doors - Charlie Rich
Chelsea Dagger - Fratellis
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Five Years - David Bowie
Heroes - David Bowie
I Don't Like Mondays - Boomtown Rats
In The End - Linkin Park (duet w/Johnny Priceless)
Karma Police - Radiohead
Midlife Crisis - Faith No More
My Sacrifice - Creed
One Step Closer - Linkin Park
Perfect Day - Lou Reed
Rebellion (Lies) - Arcade Fire
Sunshine Of Your Love - Cream
The Boys Are Back In Town - Thin Lizzy
Valerie - Zutons
Where Did You Sleep Last Night - Nirvana
World In My Eyes - Depeche Mode

January Travesties

10. Feh.

Fascination Street - Cure
Good Vibrations - Beach Boys
Hungry Heart - Bruce Springsteen
Jersey Girl - Bruce Springsteen
Life During Wartime - Talking Heads
Modern Love - David Bowie
Moondance - Van Morrison
Rock n Roll Suicide - David Bowie
Safety Dance - Men Without Hats
Shock the Monkey - Peter Gabriel
Time Is Running Out - Muse

December Travesties

19 songs... getting better.


Ballroom Blitz - Sweet
Beyond the Sea - Bobby Darin
Christmas At Ground Zero - Weird Al Yankovic
I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man - Prince
Jackson - Johnny Cash & June Carter (duet w/Emma)
Maneater - Hall & Oates
Panama - Van Halen
Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
Valerie - Zutons
We've Got Tonight - Kenny Rogers & Sheena Easton (duet w/Nyree)
What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted - Jimmy Ruffin
When Doves Cry - Prince
Who Are You - Who
Wild Horses - Rolling Stones
Wild World - Cat Stevens
Wonderboy - Tenacious D
You Make My Dreams Come True - Hall & Oates
You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate
Your Time Is Gonna Come - Led Zeppelin

November Travesties

Twelve is a little better, I guess. It still seems vaguely shameful though.

Africa - Toto
For The Girl - Fratellis
Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart
Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
Testify - Rage Against The Machine
Too Drunk To Fuck - Dead Kennedys
Up On the Roof - Drifters
Use Me - Bill Withers
Valerie - Zutons
Vaseline - Stone Temple Pilots
Virtual Insanity - Jamiroquai
You've Got Another Thing Coming - Judas Priest