I'm weird when it comes to sports.
Growing up in a town without a professional franchise (Knoxville) I didn't have a hometown loyalty. By the time I moved north to Toronto, I had no innate instinct to root for the home team. Which is not to say I hate the home team, either; I certainly cheered with the city when Joe Carter touched 'em all, but as a fan of baseball not of the Jays.
Instead, what happened is that my loyalties became tied to specific players I admired. I wasn't an A's fan, I was a Jose Canseco fan. I wasn't a Lions fan, I was a Barry Sanders fan. Pavel Bure, John Stockton, my rooting interest was in the player, not necessarily the uniform he wore.
I still felt like I was missing out on something though. When those players changed cities or left the game entirely, there was usually a gap of a year or two before I found a replacement I could hang my hat on. And there was always a bit of envy for people who had been fans of the same team since before they ever knew who or what it was they were rooting for.
Which is why, when Peyton Manning became a pro, I was able to somewhat scratch that itch. Rooting for him and the previously sad-sack Colts in part because he played his college ball in Knoxville made me feel a little like I was finally part of that club.
On the other hand, my hatreds are forever. From Ron Hextall to Eric Lindros to Chris Pronger, the Flyers have always been a team of thugs and punks. I despised Isaiah Thomas long before he was ruining franchises from the front office, because he hid behind scum like Bill Laimbeer. But of all the teams I loathe, one has always stood head and shoulders above the other: the Broncos.
The first professional sports game I have any kind of clear memories of is Super Bowl XII, when the Cowboys whupped the Broncos. I was rooting for the Cowboys because Tony Dorsett was awesome, and the Denver's uniforms were about the ugliest thing I'd ever seen. (This coming from a kid living in a sea of Volunteer orange.) Fast forward a few years, and John Elway earned my emnity by doing his primadonna thing to avoid playing for the Colts and wound up with the Broncos. At that point the hatred was cemented, once and for all. The Tim Tebow Travelling Revival Show was just gravy by that point, although I thought it was awesome that they'd be forced to stick with him because of that playoff run. Except they didn't.
And now Peyton's signed with the Orange A-holes, and broken my heart. I can't root against Peyton, not in his comeback season, but I can't root for him either, not with Elway grinning from the owner's box like a cheshire surfer dude. Not this, Peyton. Anything but this. I'd rather seem him in a Patriots uniform, frankly.
It's unfair. It's evil. It's unseemly, is what it is.
You broke my heart today, Peyton Manning. I can only hope now that you have a setback, and never play a real game in that uniform.
Showing posts with label Jock Talk in the First Degree. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jock Talk in the First Degree. Show all posts
Why Didn't I Notice This Before?
So I'm watching the Raptors-Grizzlies game, and at halftime they do a segment where Rod "Stupidest Man In Sports Broadcasting" Black quizzes Leo Rautins about Grizzlies history. When asked who the greatest player in franchise history was Rautins says, "Pau Gasol. Drafted by the Atlanta Hawks in the first round in 2001 and then picked up in the Shareef Abdur-Rahim trade, blah blah blah"
Three questions later, Black asks him who the best draft pick in Grizzlies history was. "Gotta be Gasol, right?" Sigh.
At that moment it hit me. Rod Black must be the inspiration for Ron Burgundy.
Look at their names. Ron, Rod... colour starting with 'B', colour starting with 'B'.
They both established careers based on having the right look and a solid broadcasting voice despite being incredibly, stupendously thick.
They both say stupid things on air. Black's legendary for his penchant for tasting shoe leather. The classic Black moment came after the gold meal game at the '94 world junior hockey championships in which one Canadian player has promised to win gold for his (now-deceased) father. Black's question to him after the team lost: Do you feel like you let your father down since you only won silver?
And then there are the moustaches:
Keep in mind that Ferrell shot the first Austin Powers movie (starring hockey nut Mike Myers) in '97. If the subject of idiot broadcasters had come up, surely Myers would have mentioned Black. And Ferrell had smaller roles in a few other films (such as Dick and the Ladies Man) that shot in Canada between Austin Powers and Anchorman...
Can there be any doubt that Ron Burgundy is directly and explicitly based on Rod Black?
Three questions later, Black asks him who the best draft pick in Grizzlies history was. "Gotta be Gasol, right?" Sigh.
At that moment it hit me. Rod Black must be the inspiration for Ron Burgundy.
Look at their names. Ron, Rod... colour starting with 'B', colour starting with 'B'.
They both established careers based on having the right look and a solid broadcasting voice despite being incredibly, stupendously thick.
They both say stupid things on air. Black's legendary for his penchant for tasting shoe leather. The classic Black moment came after the gold meal game at the '94 world junior hockey championships in which one Canadian player has promised to win gold for his (now-deceased) father. Black's question to him after the team lost: Do you feel like you let your father down since you only won silver?
And then there are the moustaches:
Keep in mind that Ferrell shot the first Austin Powers movie (starring hockey nut Mike Myers) in '97. If the subject of idiot broadcasters had come up, surely Myers would have mentioned Black. And Ferrell had smaller roles in a few other films (such as Dick and the Ladies Man) that shot in Canada between Austin Powers and Anchorman...
Can there be any doubt that Ron Burgundy is directly and explicitly based on Rod Black?
My Other Fantasy Football Team
This one's also 14 teams, $200 cap, but it's a keeper league with slightly kooky PPR-flavored scoring rules. Also 1/2/2 starting positions with a RB/WR flex.
QB- Josh Freeman $4, Matt Moore $1
RB- Maurice Jones-Drew $56, Shonn Greene $17, Jahvid Best $30, Fred Jackson $9, Leon Washington $7, Marshawn Lynch $2
WR- Greg Jennings $23, Anquan Boldin $30, Eddie Royal $6, Donnie Avery $3
TE- Jermichael Finley $6
K- David Buehler $1
D/ST- NY Giants $3, SF $2
I took a chance on Buehler as my kicker because the league gives bonus points for longer FGs. If he doesn't work out, kickers are easy to replace.
I also want another WR, but I'll wait and see what crazy longshot wins a starting job under Mike Martz and try to nab them in free agency.
Prices were very weird. Even given it's PPR, RBs were too cheap and WRs too pricey. In retrospect I would have been better off keeping Mike Sims-Walker at $6 (he went for $14) rather than MJD at $56 (Frank Gore went for $50... Steven Jackson for $46). I still could have gotten MJD back at about that price as well as a $30 Boldin, with Sims-Walker taking the place of someone like Lynch and giving me a more balanced bench. Ah well.
QB- Josh Freeman $4, Matt Moore $1
RB- Maurice Jones-Drew $56, Shonn Greene $17, Jahvid Best $30, Fred Jackson $9, Leon Washington $7, Marshawn Lynch $2
WR- Greg Jennings $23, Anquan Boldin $30, Eddie Royal $6, Donnie Avery $3
TE- Jermichael Finley $6
K- David Buehler $1
D/ST- NY Giants $3, SF $2
I took a chance on Buehler as my kicker because the league gives bonus points for longer FGs. If he doesn't work out, kickers are easy to replace.
I also want another WR, but I'll wait and see what crazy longshot wins a starting job under Mike Martz and try to nab them in free agency.
Prices were very weird. Even given it's PPR, RBs were too cheap and WRs too pricey. In retrospect I would have been better off keeping Mike Sims-Walker at $6 (he went for $14) rather than MJD at $56 (Frank Gore went for $50... Steven Jackson for $46). I still could have gotten MJD back at about that price as well as a $30 Boldin, with Sims-Walker taking the place of someone like Lynch and giving me a more balanced bench. Ah well.
Rotowire Steak League Roster
One of the Rotowire 'house' fantasy football leagues is the Steak League, where the losers take the winners out for a nice steak dinner at the end of the season. Since I live a few time zones away from most of the other owners I'm exempt from that provision, but it's still a damn competitive and fun league to be in.
We switched from draft to auction this season: 14 teams, $200 cap, normal scoring, 1/2/3 QB/RB/WR with no Flex, plus IDP (one each DL, LB and DB) and the usual TE/K with six bench spots. Here's the roster I ended up with after a three-plus-hour bidding frenzy:
QB: Romo $26; Vince Young $2
RB: Gore $55; Shonn Greene $37; Felix Jones $16; Bernard Scott $3
WR: Bowe $21; Garcon $17; Kenny Britt $7; Donnie Avery $5; James Jones $1
TE: Heath Miller $1; Brandon Pettigrew $1
K: Dan Carpenter $1
DL: Brandon Graham $1
LB: James Laurinaitis $3
DB: Richard Marshall $1
Wide receiver prices were very high, by and large, which is why I ended up with the lackluster WR corps I have, but there's still enough upside in there to make it workable. The flip side of that was that running backs were going a bit cheaper than you might expect, and I was able to roster three viable starters (and three potential studs). If all three can stay healthy, I've got easy trade bait to go get a true #1 wideout.
In this league and other ones with a reasonably-sized bench, I tend to 'punt' taking a backup at any of the secondary positions (TE, K and the IDPs) and load up on RBs and WRs hoping to strike gold, instead spreading out all the bye weeks at those spots so I never need to use more than one bench spot to cover all of them. While I staggered the bye weeks, I ended up taking Miller as insurance in case Pettigrew's recovery from his knee injury is slow. I'll have time before the season starts to cut one or the other of them and take a skill position player with some upside.
The other bit of bye week juggling I do is to make sure my backup QB has a cushy assignment on the week I need him. In this case, the Titans are hosting the Broncos, which isn't too bad. Matt Moore (at New Orleans in what could be a shootout) and Chad Henne (at home against the Pats on Monday night) were my first two choices for the spot, but I got actual competition for both after nominating them and it just wasn't worth going to war over a #2 QB.
Glad I got Brandon Graham though. The more I see of that kid the more I love him. When the first adjective that comes to mind when everyone watches a rookie defensive lineman is "relentless", you know you've got something special.
We switched from draft to auction this season: 14 teams, $200 cap, normal scoring, 1/2/3 QB/RB/WR with no Flex, plus IDP (one each DL, LB and DB) and the usual TE/K with six bench spots. Here's the roster I ended up with after a three-plus-hour bidding frenzy:
QB: Romo $26; Vince Young $2
RB: Gore $55; Shonn Greene $37; Felix Jones $16; Bernard Scott $3
WR: Bowe $21; Garcon $17; Kenny Britt $7; Donnie Avery $5; James Jones $1
TE: Heath Miller $1; Brandon Pettigrew $1
K: Dan Carpenter $1
DL: Brandon Graham $1
LB: James Laurinaitis $3
DB: Richard Marshall $1
Wide receiver prices were very high, by and large, which is why I ended up with the lackluster WR corps I have, but there's still enough upside in there to make it workable. The flip side of that was that running backs were going a bit cheaper than you might expect, and I was able to roster three viable starters (and three potential studs). If all three can stay healthy, I've got easy trade bait to go get a true #1 wideout.
In this league and other ones with a reasonably-sized bench, I tend to 'punt' taking a backup at any of the secondary positions (TE, K and the IDPs) and load up on RBs and WRs hoping to strike gold, instead spreading out all the bye weeks at those spots so I never need to use more than one bench spot to cover all of them. While I staggered the bye weeks, I ended up taking Miller as insurance in case Pettigrew's recovery from his knee injury is slow. I'll have time before the season starts to cut one or the other of them and take a skill position player with some upside.
The other bit of bye week juggling I do is to make sure my backup QB has a cushy assignment on the week I need him. In this case, the Titans are hosting the Broncos, which isn't too bad. Matt Moore (at New Orleans in what could be a shootout) and Chad Henne (at home against the Pats on Monday night) were my first two choices for the spot, but I got actual competition for both after nominating them and it just wasn't worth going to war over a #2 QB.
Glad I got Brandon Graham though. The more I see of that kid the more I love him. When the first adjective that comes to mind when everyone watches a rookie defensive lineman is "relentless", you know you've got something special.
Who Let the Rational Guy In the Room?
Joe Posnanski, who's never been afraid to be contrary, highlights a new piece of work that fairly comprehensively takes apart the idea that steroids = home runs.
It's utterly ridiculous to throw terms like "McCarthyism" around in reference to sports, but the steroid/PED hysteria that gripped baseball in the last 15 years is a disgrace. If I thought the various sports "journalists" who fed the flames were capable of feeling shame, I'd say that there was a great reckoning coming someday over the reputations that were sullied and destroyed. But they don't, and so there probably won't.
It's utterly ridiculous to throw terms like "McCarthyism" around in reference to sports, but the steroid/PED hysteria that gripped baseball in the last 15 years is a disgrace. If I thought the various sports "journalists" who fed the flames were capable of feeling shame, I'd say that there was a great reckoning coming someday over the reputations that were sullied and destroyed. But they don't, and so there probably won't.
Cue Nelson Muntz
So Tuesday's All-Star game brought in its lowest Nielsen ratings ever. There's a good excuse for that, right?
NBC's competing "America's Got Talent" averaged a strong 3.3 adults 18-49 rating, while ABC's "Wipeout" scored its best-ever rating for a rerun, a 2.7.
The cable competition was even tougher. Discovery Channel's "Deadliest Catch" drew a series-high 8.5 million total viewers, the third-most ever for any show on the network and among the top shows on all of cable this year, for the episode in which Capt. Phil Harris passed away.
USA's "Covert Affairs" became the most-watched new series this year on cable among adults 18-49, where it drew 2.1 million, and lead-in "White Collar" premiered to 4.3 million total viewers, up 16 percent over its winter average.
And the series finale of MTV's was-it-scripted-or-not "reality" series "The Hills" drew 3 million viewers, easily a season high and up 72 percent over its season average.
Sigh.
Bud Selig is very good at his job. Unfortunately, that job is making his fellow... oops, wait, he's not officially an owner any more, is he? His job as commish is making his ex-fellow owners more money. It's not protecting the legacy of the sport.
I'm not a sepia-drenched romantic about the good old days of baseball, when bennies and racism were all the rage, but the fact of the matter is that the All-Star Game isn't special any more, and no amount of "This time it counts!" World Series home field bullshit is going to change that.
As long as there is interleague play during the regular season (a gimmick which loses more of its box office appeal every season), no one will give a damn about an interleague exhibition game. Period.
...Or Not
Looks like Michael Jordan got cold feet on the Raptors/Bobcats deal. Oh well, it was a nice try by Colangelo.
Raptors Blowed Up Real Good
With Bosh walking, Bryan Colangelo waited exactly one nanosecond before stripping the roster down for parts and starting to rebuild.
Here's the current state of the roster, assuming the deals happen as rumored:
PG: Jarret Jack
SG: DeMar DeRozan
SF: Boris Diaw
PF: Amir Johnson
C: Andrea Bargnani
G: Leandro Barbosa, Marco Belinelli, Marcus Banks
F: Tyson Chandler, Sonny Weems, Linas Kleiza, Ed Davis, Joey Dorsey, Solomon Alabi
Weems could start over Diaw at small forward, depending on Diaw's mood and whether he's in the dog house that day or not, but I think a team starting Bargnani at center is going to want all the extra rebounding it can get.
That's not a roster that's going to make any noise in the playoffs, but it does have some advantages over the way it looked yesterday:
1) A lot more cap flexibility. The Raptors get out from under Turkoglu and Calderon's longer-term deals and get back Chandler (whose contract is up after this season) plus Diaw and Barbosa (whose contracts expire after next season), without losing anything in the way of on-court performance. In the event they are able to find another franchise player to build around, this will give them the ability to do so.
2) The additions of Chandler and Diaw give Ed Davis and Solomon Alabi time to develop, rather than having them pushed into key roles in the front court rotation right away. If DeRozan turns out to still need some work, Barbosa serves the same purpose in the back court.
3) It forces Bargnani to be The Man on offense. He's never going to turn into Disco Dirk 2.0 -- the will to fight for rebounds just isn't there -- but nobody else on that roster is capable of scoring in bunches beyond the odd times Diaw is motivated, and possibly DeRozan if he takes a big leap forward. Bargnani will get all the touches he wants, and there'll simply be no excuse for him not to hit for 20+ a game.
4) It gives Colangelo trade chips (Chandler's expiring contract, and what will be left of the Miami trade exception) to play with this year in the event something falls in his lap.
I also wouldn't rule out the Raptors squeaking into the playoffs next year (which would be bad news for the team long-term, as it would keep them out of the lottery, but that's neither her nor there.) Miami, Boston, Orlando, plus maybe Chicago and Atlanta, are the cream of the Eastern Conference crop, but beyond that the last three spots are wide open, as none of the also-rans did much to improve beyond Washington drafting Wall and Philly drafting Turner.
Here's the current state of the roster, assuming the deals happen as rumored:
PG: Jarret Jack
SG: DeMar DeRozan
SF: Boris Diaw
PF: Amir Johnson
C: Andrea Bargnani
G: Leandro Barbosa, Marco Belinelli, Marcus Banks
F: Tyson Chandler, Sonny Weems, Linas Kleiza, Ed Davis, Joey Dorsey, Solomon Alabi
Weems could start over Diaw at small forward, depending on Diaw's mood and whether he's in the dog house that day or not, but I think a team starting Bargnani at center is going to want all the extra rebounding it can get.
That's not a roster that's going to make any noise in the playoffs, but it does have some advantages over the way it looked yesterday:
1) A lot more cap flexibility. The Raptors get out from under Turkoglu and Calderon's longer-term deals and get back Chandler (whose contract is up after this season) plus Diaw and Barbosa (whose contracts expire after next season), without losing anything in the way of on-court performance. In the event they are able to find another franchise player to build around, this will give them the ability to do so.
2) The additions of Chandler and Diaw give Ed Davis and Solomon Alabi time to develop, rather than having them pushed into key roles in the front court rotation right away. If DeRozan turns out to still need some work, Barbosa serves the same purpose in the back court.
3) It forces Bargnani to be The Man on offense. He's never going to turn into Disco Dirk 2.0 -- the will to fight for rebounds just isn't there -- but nobody else on that roster is capable of scoring in bunches beyond the odd times Diaw is motivated, and possibly DeRozan if he takes a big leap forward. Bargnani will get all the touches he wants, and there'll simply be no excuse for him not to hit for 20+ a game.
4) It gives Colangelo trade chips (Chandler's expiring contract, and what will be left of the Miami trade exception) to play with this year in the event something falls in his lap.
I also wouldn't rule out the Raptors squeaking into the playoffs next year (which would be bad news for the team long-term, as it would keep them out of the lottery, but that's neither her nor there.) Miami, Boston, Orlando, plus maybe Chicago and Atlanta, are the cream of the Eastern Conference crop, but beyond that the last three spots are wide open, as none of the also-rans did much to improve beyond Washington drafting Wall and Philly drafting Turner.
LBJ and WEB
I'm slowly meandering my way though WEB DuBois' Souls of Black Folk, and got to this line in the essay Of The Training of Black Men:
Now, that's just a hell of a line, and one that still has far too much relevance to the political landscape a century-plus later. But given what's been happening the last couple of days, the first person to pop into my head when I read it wasn't Obama, but LeBron.
The knives were going to come out anyway when he elected to make a spectacle of his decision, but I find the accusations that he's a coward for wanting to play with really, really good team-mates to be laughable. Playing with Wade and Bosh gives him arguably his best shot at winning it all, and isn't that supposed to be the goal of every athlete? Apparently, in LeBron's case, merely winning championships isn't enough.
The argument goes something like this: a real manly man with giant man-sized balls would want to succeed on his own terms. By going to someone else's team (i.e. Dwayne Wade), where that star has already established themselves and had success, LeBron is taking the easy way out in his quest for a title. Remember all that stuff you learned in school about there being no 'i' in team? Yeah, forget it; in LeBron's case, there most definitely is an 'i' in Greatest Of All Time, which is what is expected of him.
But frankly, you could have made (equally weak) 'coward' arguments no matter where he ended up going:
- LeBron is a coward for staying in Cleveland, where he is comfortable and revered, rather than pushing himself and going to a team that has a real shot at a title
- LeBron is a coward for going for the money and fame of playing in the New York/Jay-Z spotlight, instead of going to a team that has a real shot at a title
- LeBron is a coward for going to Chicago and settling for living in Jordan's shadow, rather than trying to carve out his own legacy somewhere else
In other, better words, the query regarding LeBron's manhood was answered a priori, without giving him the courtesy of listening to the evidence.
We must not forget that most Americans answer all queries regarding the Negro a priori, and that the least that human courtesy can do is listen to evidence.
Now, that's just a hell of a line, and one that still has far too much relevance to the political landscape a century-plus later. But given what's been happening the last couple of days, the first person to pop into my head when I read it wasn't Obama, but LeBron.
The knives were going to come out anyway when he elected to make a spectacle of his decision, but I find the accusations that he's a coward for wanting to play with really, really good team-mates to be laughable. Playing with Wade and Bosh gives him arguably his best shot at winning it all, and isn't that supposed to be the goal of every athlete? Apparently, in LeBron's case, merely winning championships isn't enough.
The argument goes something like this: a real manly man with giant man-sized balls would want to succeed on his own terms. By going to someone else's team (i.e. Dwayne Wade), where that star has already established themselves and had success, LeBron is taking the easy way out in his quest for a title. Remember all that stuff you learned in school about there being no 'i' in team? Yeah, forget it; in LeBron's case, there most definitely is an 'i' in Greatest Of All Time, which is what is expected of him.
But frankly, you could have made (equally weak) 'coward' arguments no matter where he ended up going:
- LeBron is a coward for staying in Cleveland, where he is comfortable and revered, rather than pushing himself and going to a team that has a real shot at a title
- LeBron is a coward for going for the money and fame of playing in the New York/Jay-Z spotlight, instead of going to a team that has a real shot at a title
- LeBron is a coward for going to Chicago and settling for living in Jordan's shadow, rather than trying to carve out his own legacy somewhere else
In other, better words, the query regarding LeBron's manhood was answered a priori, without giving him the courtesy of listening to the evidence.
LeBron
Call me crazy, but I was kind of hoping LeBron would come out of the closet during his ESPN special last night, or announced that he'd be plowing most of his Miami contract into renewable energy research. An hour of television just to say "Hey, I'm playing with these guys" was a bit much.
Great Days in Footie History
June 27, 2010
If video replay gets introduced into the game, it will be because of the two ridiculously blatant blown calls (on Lampard's goal, and on Tevez's offside non-goal) today.
EDIT: Mind you, it's looking like neither blown call will actually impact the game result...
If video replay gets introduced into the game, it will be because of the two ridiculously blatant blown calls (on Lampard's goal, and on Tevez's offside non-goal) today.
EDIT: Mind you, it's looking like neither blown call will actually impact the game result...
I've Got a Bad Feeling About This
If I had to rank my most-loathed teams in World Cup play, they would be, in order:
1. Argentina
2. France
I detest Maradona. Great player, awful human being, and his gloating over the Hand of God goal sealed the deal for me. After he packed it in and Gabriel Batistuta was the team's big star I could get behind them, but with Maradona behind the bench again I want to see them humiliated. Alas, it doesn't look likely to happen.
France I despise because they always seem to get every break imaginable, even though they don't deserve it. I mean, can anyone actually remember how the hell they managed to make it to the final of the last World Cup? Their victory in '98 was even worse, and it seemed like in every game they played they were up 12 or 13 men to 11 thanks to the refs. At least Thierry Henry seemed a bit mortified by his own hand ball this year that put France in the tournament ahead of Ireland.
Based on Uruguay's disgraceful flopfest against South Africa yesterday (I mean seriously... you're diving that often against South Africa? Talk about insecurity) I'm putting them in as 2A now, which means I'm suddenly a huge Mexico fan, given that they're in a group with both Uruguay and France. After today's awesome 2-0 Mexican victory over the Damned Frogs, France seems poised to be eliminated. Mexico and Uruguay both have 4 points, while France has just 1. If Mexico and Uruguay tie in their final group match, France is done.
Except...
If Uruguay beats Mexico, Uruguay wins the group and avoids a tough round of 16 matchup. Mexico sits with a +2 goal differential, minus whatever they lose to Uruguay by. Let's say it's a 1-0 game -- Mexico then sits with 4 points and a +1 differential. (Of course the reverse situation, Mexico beating Uruguay, is also possible, but we're looking at my worst case scenario here.)
France would then need to beat South Africa by at least four goals to advance. And while the French haven't looked like a squad that could run up the score against St. Trinian's School for Crippled Orphans, much less a World Cup national team, South Africa will be without Khune (their starting goalie) thanks to that abysmal red card he was handed against Uruguay. A 4-0 or 5-1 result, or worse, isn't out of the question.
In short, we could have a situation where France has to deliberately set out to embarrass the host nation in order to advance. France and Uruguay, diving merrily into the round of 16 against a backdrop of riots, tear gas and vuvuzelas playing a funeral dirge.
Please, Mexico, I am begging you. In the name of all that is good and right about futbol, do not let this horror come to pass.
1. Argentina
2. France
I detest Maradona. Great player, awful human being, and his gloating over the Hand of God goal sealed the deal for me. After he packed it in and Gabriel Batistuta was the team's big star I could get behind them, but with Maradona behind the bench again I want to see them humiliated. Alas, it doesn't look likely to happen.
France I despise because they always seem to get every break imaginable, even though they don't deserve it. I mean, can anyone actually remember how the hell they managed to make it to the final of the last World Cup? Their victory in '98 was even worse, and it seemed like in every game they played they were up 12 or 13 men to 11 thanks to the refs. At least Thierry Henry seemed a bit mortified by his own hand ball this year that put France in the tournament ahead of Ireland.
Based on Uruguay's disgraceful flopfest against South Africa yesterday (I mean seriously... you're diving that often against South Africa? Talk about insecurity) I'm putting them in as 2A now, which means I'm suddenly a huge Mexico fan, given that they're in a group with both Uruguay and France. After today's awesome 2-0 Mexican victory over the Damned Frogs, France seems poised to be eliminated. Mexico and Uruguay both have 4 points, while France has just 1. If Mexico and Uruguay tie in their final group match, France is done.
Except...
If Uruguay beats Mexico, Uruguay wins the group and avoids a tough round of 16 matchup. Mexico sits with a +2 goal differential, minus whatever they lose to Uruguay by. Let's say it's a 1-0 game -- Mexico then sits with 4 points and a +1 differential. (Of course the reverse situation, Mexico beating Uruguay, is also possible, but we're looking at my worst case scenario here.)
France would then need to beat South Africa by at least four goals to advance. And while the French haven't looked like a squad that could run up the score against St. Trinian's School for Crippled Orphans, much less a World Cup national team, South Africa will be without Khune (their starting goalie) thanks to that abysmal red card he was handed against Uruguay. A 4-0 or 5-1 result, or worse, isn't out of the question.
In short, we could have a situation where France has to deliberately set out to embarrass the host nation in order to advance. France and Uruguay, diving merrily into the round of 16 against a backdrop of riots, tear gas and vuvuzelas playing a funeral dirge.
Please, Mexico, I am begging you. In the name of all that is good and right about futbol, do not let this horror come to pass.
In Case You Missed It
Per the comments, "I like how the Robert Green legoman was smiling the whole time, even after he fucked up ahaha"
Los Suns
It being Cinco de Mayo and all, Phoenix will be busting out their rarely-seen 'Los Suns' jerseys for their Game 2 matchup against the Spurs. Suns owner Robert Sarver though explicitly ties the decision to Arizona's idiotic new law.
Sarver's no Commie either. He plays both sides with his donations, as you'd expect a rich guy who made his money in banking to do, but he did drop $70 grand on McCain for President in 2008, and tossed some money McConnell and Cantor's way too.
Sarver's no Commie either. He plays both sides with his donations, as you'd expect a rich guy who made his money in banking to do, but he did drop $70 grand on McCain for President in 2008, and tossed some money McConnell and Cantor's way too.
Football Season Already?
Just finished a mock NFL auction that will be used in the Rotowire season preview mag. $100 cap, 2 RB/3 WR/1 Flex, nothing tricky in the 'scoring' (not that we'll play it out). Here's the squad I ended up with:
QB - Eli Manning, NYG $3
RB - Maurice Jones-Drew, Jac $31
RB - LeSean McCoy, Phi $13
WR - DeSean Jackson, Phi $18
WR - Michael Crabtree, SF $11
WR - Dwayne Bowe, KC $6
R/W- LenDale White, Sea $1
TE - Dallas Clark, Ind $10
K - Nick Folk, NYJ $1
DEF- Dallas $1
RES- Donald Brown, Ind $3
RES- Mark Sanchez, NYJ $1
RES- Early Doucet, Ari $1
Some thoughts:
- tight end is ridiculously deep. The bottom dropped out of the market after the top few guys (Clark, Gates and Vernon Davis) and had I waited, I could have had a guy like Brent Celek for half the price. Oh well.
- normally I do a better job of staggering my bye weeks, but given that this was a mock I was more worried about price enforcement than a playable roster, given the limited bench spots.
- I got basically no one I was targeting in my head (Frank Gore, Shonn Greene, Jahvid Best, Calvin Johnson, Sidney Rice...) going into the auction.I could have had Kevin Kolb at the same price I got Eli for, but by that time I already had Jackson and McCoy, and buying another Eagle seemed silly. I'll assume that means I did a good job of being agnostic, and just took value when it presented itself.
QB - Eli Manning, NYG $3
RB - Maurice Jones-Drew, Jac $31
RB - LeSean McCoy, Phi $13
WR - DeSean Jackson, Phi $18
WR - Michael Crabtree, SF $11
WR - Dwayne Bowe, KC $6
R/W- LenDale White, Sea $1
TE - Dallas Clark, Ind $10
K - Nick Folk, NYJ $1
DEF- Dallas $1
RES- Donald Brown, Ind $3
RES- Mark Sanchez, NYJ $1
RES- Early Doucet, Ari $1
Some thoughts:
- tight end is ridiculously deep. The bottom dropped out of the market after the top few guys (Clark, Gates and Vernon Davis) and had I waited, I could have had a guy like Brent Celek for half the price. Oh well.
- normally I do a better job of staggering my bye weeks, but given that this was a mock I was more worried about price enforcement than a playable roster, given the limited bench spots.
- I got basically no one I was targeting in my head (Frank Gore, Shonn Greene, Jahvid Best, Calvin Johnson, Sidney Rice...) going into the auction.I could have had Kevin Kolb at the same price I got Eli for, but by that time I already had Jackson and McCoy, and buying another Eagle seemed silly. I'll assume that means I did a good job of being agnostic, and just took value when it presented itself.
NFL Draft First Round Thoughts
Because a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and there is nothing more spectacularly futile than analyzing draft picks before they've even taken the field:
St Louis - They were locked in on Bradford, and it almost doesn't matter who they take with the rest of their picks. I don't think he's worth a first overall pick though.
Detroit - Had a great day. Suh was a no-brainer, but jumping up to grab Jahvid Best at the end of the first round was a smart move.
Tampa Bay - again, no surprise with McCoy, who won't be Warren Sapp but should be good.
Washington - I'm not sure Trent Williams over Russell Okung was the right call, but you have to think Shanahan knows his blocking scheme well enough to recognize who will work in it and who won't.
Kansas City - Eric Berry will be very, very good, and that's not just the Knoxville in me talking.
Seattle - Okung dropping to them was a nice surprise for Pete Carroll, and adding Earl Thomas was solid too. People expecting sexy skill picks like Jimmy Clausen or Dez Bryant might have been disppointed, but those are two nice building blocks.
Cleveland - I'm not sure Joe Haden will be the shutdown corner the Browns need. Can't really put my finger on why... every time I've seen him I've just got the impression that he won't really stand out in the NFL.
Oakland - McClain's another guy I think is over-rated, simply because he's the best inside LB in the pool. Makes sense the Raiders would bite on him, but he's not top 10 value.
Buffalo - This is where the draft started to get crazy. Spiller's got some serious skills and home run potential, not unlike Felix Jones in Dallas (or, for that matter, Reggie Bush) and will look great in a RB tandem with Fred Jackson. Marshawn Lynch should probably start packing his bags though.
Jacksonville - Alualu looked like a strange pick at the time, and looked even worse after everyone behind them was able to trade down. Jared Odrick fell all the way to 28; it's hard to imagine the Jags couldn't have traded down to somewhere in the 20s, still gotten Alualu, and added some value later in the draft.
San Fran - Hello, new offensive line. Anthony Davis and Mike Iupati are Frank Gore's new best friends.
San Diego - They gave up way too much to jump up and take Ryan Mathews. I've heard the talk that Houston was looking at him at #20, and maybe the Chargers couldn't find a trading partner further down in the teens, but Mathews is not going to be a replacement for Tomlinson. He's solid and will be a good stopgap in a tandem with Sproles until they get a franchise guy, but I don't think he'll be a difference maker.
Philadelphia - Adding to the pass rush was a definite need, and if Graham was the guy they liked the best it's hard to argue too much with moving up to get him, especially with Morgan and Pierre-Paul going just a few picks later. Again, though, I think they gave up too much for the move up, in terms of pure value.
NY Giants - Pierre-Paul's a project, but it's one they can afford to wait on. Solid pick.
Tennessee - Morgan will have a more immediate impact than Pierre-Paul, although he doesn't have JPP's upside. Another solid pick, both for value and need.
Pittsburgh - No surprise here. Pouncey is a born Steeler.
Atlanta - I like Weatherspoon at 19 better than I like McClain at 8 in terms of value, but neither one is Patrick Willis.
Houston - There wasn't much to separate the corners behind Haden, so Kareen Jackson is as good a pick as any.
Cincinnati - Gresham was the pick predicted in most mocks, but I'm still not sure the Bengals will even know what to do with a real tight end.
Denver - Demaryius Thomas over Dez Bryant? Hell yes. They just chased Brandon Marshall out of town; character matters now for the Broncos. As witnessed by their next pick, Tim Tebow. This is the draft that will determine Josh McDainels' future in Denver - if the choir boys pan out, he's in for the long haul. If Tebow can't handle anything but the Wildcat and Thomas gets outperformed by Bryant, the team will be looking for a new coach in 2013 or so.
Green Bay - Bulaga is great value at this point, and fits a need. Score.
Dallas - Jerry Jones lives in the past too much. They jumped up a few picks to grab the best wide receiver in the draft, in an effort to redress the 'wrong' of passing on Randy Moss way back when. Bryant doesn't really fit a huge need though, and if they don't find )-line help (of which there was plenty still on the board) and a safety (granted, there's no one available I would have rated as worth picking at the end of the first round) this pick will end up being a big mistake.
Arizona - Dan Williams dropping to them was a nice gift.
New England - McCourty is a classic Belichick first round pick, a guy who will be on the field a lot and play both on defense (nickel corner at worst, but he could end up being better than that) and as a force on special teams.
Miami - Jared Odrick is another good value pick at this point, and a nice reward for Parcells for trading down.
NY Jets - Just what Rex Ryan needed, more toys on defense. I think Wilson could end up being just about as good as Haden.
Indianapolis - With Freeney and Mathis getting older, adding another pass rush specialist in the form of Jerry Hughes was a nice get.
New Orleans - Patrick Robinson may not be special, but he should be solid.
St Louis - They were locked in on Bradford, and it almost doesn't matter who they take with the rest of their picks. I don't think he's worth a first overall pick though.
Detroit - Had a great day. Suh was a no-brainer, but jumping up to grab Jahvid Best at the end of the first round was a smart move.
Tampa Bay - again, no surprise with McCoy, who won't be Warren Sapp but should be good.
Washington - I'm not sure Trent Williams over Russell Okung was the right call, but you have to think Shanahan knows his blocking scheme well enough to recognize who will work in it and who won't.
Kansas City - Eric Berry will be very, very good, and that's not just the Knoxville in me talking.
Seattle - Okung dropping to them was a nice surprise for Pete Carroll, and adding Earl Thomas was solid too. People expecting sexy skill picks like Jimmy Clausen or Dez Bryant might have been disppointed, but those are two nice building blocks.
Cleveland - I'm not sure Joe Haden will be the shutdown corner the Browns need. Can't really put my finger on why... every time I've seen him I've just got the impression that he won't really stand out in the NFL.
Oakland - McClain's another guy I think is over-rated, simply because he's the best inside LB in the pool. Makes sense the Raiders would bite on him, but he's not top 10 value.
Buffalo - This is where the draft started to get crazy. Spiller's got some serious skills and home run potential, not unlike Felix Jones in Dallas (or, for that matter, Reggie Bush) and will look great in a RB tandem with Fred Jackson. Marshawn Lynch should probably start packing his bags though.
Jacksonville - Alualu looked like a strange pick at the time, and looked even worse after everyone behind them was able to trade down. Jared Odrick fell all the way to 28; it's hard to imagine the Jags couldn't have traded down to somewhere in the 20s, still gotten Alualu, and added some value later in the draft.
San Fran - Hello, new offensive line. Anthony Davis and Mike Iupati are Frank Gore's new best friends.
San Diego - They gave up way too much to jump up and take Ryan Mathews. I've heard the talk that Houston was looking at him at #20, and maybe the Chargers couldn't find a trading partner further down in the teens, but Mathews is not going to be a replacement for Tomlinson. He's solid and will be a good stopgap in a tandem with Sproles until they get a franchise guy, but I don't think he'll be a difference maker.
Philadelphia - Adding to the pass rush was a definite need, and if Graham was the guy they liked the best it's hard to argue too much with moving up to get him, especially with Morgan and Pierre-Paul going just a few picks later. Again, though, I think they gave up too much for the move up, in terms of pure value.
NY Giants - Pierre-Paul's a project, but it's one they can afford to wait on. Solid pick.
Tennessee - Morgan will have a more immediate impact than Pierre-Paul, although he doesn't have JPP's upside. Another solid pick, both for value and need.
Pittsburgh - No surprise here. Pouncey is a born Steeler.
Atlanta - I like Weatherspoon at 19 better than I like McClain at 8 in terms of value, but neither one is Patrick Willis.
Houston - There wasn't much to separate the corners behind Haden, so Kareen Jackson is as good a pick as any.
Cincinnati - Gresham was the pick predicted in most mocks, but I'm still not sure the Bengals will even know what to do with a real tight end.
Denver - Demaryius Thomas over Dez Bryant? Hell yes. They just chased Brandon Marshall out of town; character matters now for the Broncos. As witnessed by their next pick, Tim Tebow. This is the draft that will determine Josh McDainels' future in Denver - if the choir boys pan out, he's in for the long haul. If Tebow can't handle anything but the Wildcat and Thomas gets outperformed by Bryant, the team will be looking for a new coach in 2013 or so.
Green Bay - Bulaga is great value at this point, and fits a need. Score.
Dallas - Jerry Jones lives in the past too much. They jumped up a few picks to grab the best wide receiver in the draft, in an effort to redress the 'wrong' of passing on Randy Moss way back when. Bryant doesn't really fit a huge need though, and if they don't find )-line help (of which there was plenty still on the board) and a safety (granted, there's no one available I would have rated as worth picking at the end of the first round) this pick will end up being a big mistake.
Arizona - Dan Williams dropping to them was a nice gift.
New England - McCourty is a classic Belichick first round pick, a guy who will be on the field a lot and play both on defense (nickel corner at worst, but he could end up being better than that) and as a force on special teams.
Miami - Jared Odrick is another good value pick at this point, and a nice reward for Parcells for trading down.
NY Jets - Just what Rex Ryan needed, more toys on defense. I think Wilson could end up being just about as good as Haden.
Indianapolis - With Freeney and Mathis getting older, adding another pass rush specialist in the form of Jerry Hughes was a nice get.
New Orleans - Patrick Robinson may not be special, but he should be solid.
Scott Stapp Is No David Hasselhoff
The Marlins commissioned former Creed lead drinkersinger Scott Stapp to create an inspiring theme song for the team. Instead, he gave them this:
On the unintentional comedy scale it's not a bad effort at all. The mental image of a three-quarter ton fish soaring gracefully through the air is hella stupid, and Stapp's We Didn't Start the Fire-esque litany of random baseball terms in the second verse makes you wonder if he's ever actually seen a game of baseball, or just did a Google search.
But what's with the video? So disappointing. At the very least, I want Stapp green-screening himself into some footage and hitting a home run or making a diving catch. Or better still, being the first guy to run in and hug Josh Beckett after they won their second World Series. I mean, he's already got the jersey with 'Stapp' on the back.
Scott, buddy, if you want to be taken seriously as an ironic rock icon (and let's be honest, that might be your only remaining shot at staying relatively famous) you are really going to have to step it up a notch.
On the unintentional comedy scale it's not a bad effort at all. The mental image of a three-quarter ton fish soaring gracefully through the air is hella stupid, and Stapp's We Didn't Start the Fire-esque litany of random baseball terms in the second verse makes you wonder if he's ever actually seen a game of baseball, or just did a Google search.
But what's with the video? So disappointing. At the very least, I want Stapp green-screening himself into some footage and hitting a home run or making a diving catch. Or better still, being the first guy to run in and hug Josh Beckett after they won their second World Series. I mean, he's already got the jersey with 'Stapp' on the back.
Scott, buddy, if you want to be taken seriously as an ironic rock icon (and let's be honest, that might be your only remaining shot at staying relatively famous) you are really going to have to step it up a notch.
Summing Up Futility
The Washington Nationals are entering their sixth year of existence. They just cut loose a pitcher, Jason Bergmann, who's been mediocre at best and awful at worst for his entire Nats career.
He's also the franchise's career leader in strikeouts, with 299.
He's also the franchise's career leader in strikeouts, with 299.
Me Me On the Radio
Well, internet radio, anyway. I'll be back on Blog Talk Radio in about 20 minutes to gab about the Nationals.
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